Hope for the Bleak Future

Disappointed in the vampire flick "30 Days of Night", I have more hope for "I Am Legend" even though it does star Will Smith in the lead role. Based on the classic book by Richard Matheson, the story of "I Am Legend" has been previously told in movie form by Vincent Price ("The Last Man on Earth") and Charleton Heston ("Omega Man"). One man is immune to the ravages of a virus that changes the entire population of earth into night-dwelling, blood-thirsty vampire-like mutants. He must fend off their attacks while attempting to figure out how his own immunity can be used to save humanity.

The current incarnation of "I Am Legend" is said to be more true to the original text (save some enhanced action scenes to keep the ADD audience engaged). Of course, it will be interesting to see how the Fresh Prince does with the central role. While Smith did prove himself to be a good actor in "Ali", whether he can handle the melancholy depths of the Robert Neville character remains to be seen.


Visit the Official I Am Legend Website

Remembering Max McGee

I never saw him play live but every Green Bay Packers fan has seen the greatness of his play in Super Bowl I and knows the legend of his pre-Super Bowl preparation. Many remember Max McGee for his color commentary during Packers games for 19 years. McGee had all the passion for the Packers that Ron Santo has for the Cubs except McGee could string an occasional coherent thought together.

On October 20, 2007, McGee died as a result of a fall from the roof of his home in Deephaven, Minnesota while removing leaves from the roof with a leaf blower. While one may question why a 75 year old needed to be climbing around on a roof, that was just McGee's everyman, self-reliant style. He will be missed.

Smells Like Teen Spirit

Two Florida high school girls were kicked out of the stands at a football game for arriving bodypainted in school colors. The girls wore bikini tops and all of their private bits were covered yet they were ejected while bodypainted boys were allowed to stay.

I'm not the women's lib movement's greatest advocate but come on, fair is fair. The girls took physiological and social differences into account by wearing tops whereas the boys undoubtedly were topless. I have to agree with the girls on this one. Either both genders can wear bodypaint or neither should.

Article HERE.

ANNOUNCING: KAISER VON FECHNER!!!

Kerry and I are announcing the conception of Baby Kaiser Von Fechner. We started planning for a baby back in June when Kerry went off her birth control pills. We had hoped that we'd conceive while on our Hawaiian vacation in early July.

I guess it took a little time for the pill to cycle out (I really don't know how that works) but about 10 or so weeks ago my Super Sperm got the job done and the stick turned blue. Supposedly, the new home pregnancy tests are a lot more accurate than they used to be but we still wanted official medical confirmation. By the way, Kerry did a nice job, too.

Confirmation came when went to the doctor last Saturday and an ultrasound was done. (See below) We saw little Kaiser and his little heart beat. That rocked! Everything looked good and Kerry was even given the green light by the doctor to run in the Chicago Marathon Sunday with the caveat to take it easy (an "easy" marathon?), keep hydrated and pay attention to her body during the race. Kerry did so and dropped out after running 12 miles. Right around the same time that the race officials decided to stop the race anyways.

Kerry has a strong feeling that the baby will be a boy. Hence, the "Kaiser" moniker. If the baby's a girl: Kaiserina? Kaiserette? Kaiseriti?

There's nothing like posting a picture of your wife's uterus on the internet, is there?

A Good Pennsylvania Law

PITTSBURGH (AP) - A Pittsburgh man accused of taunting a police dog on Sunday was being held in jail on $100,000 bail. Police say Kenneth King, 23, taunted Benny, a German shepherd, as he walked by a police vehicle. Police say King screamed that he hates dogs and threatened to kill the animal after it started barking.

King's mother said the situation is serious, but questioned the high bail. She said people have been arrested for hurting people and they don't have bail set that high.

Taunting police animals is a felony under Pennsylvania's animal cruelty law.

From the Department of Unnecessary Signage

Where do you think lawyers come from?

A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea. The Doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?" She said that she did. He asked, "Does it hurt you?" She said no. The Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant." The woman was mystified. She asked, "You can get pregnant from anal sex?" The Doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think lawyers come from?"

Doom and Gloom on the Northside

With the Cubs dropping the first two games of their 2007 National League divisional series to the Arizona Diamondbacks, it seems like a good time to revisit some legendary Cubs lore. Memories. Good times.

Let us harken back to April, 1983. The Cubs still sucked and Harry Carey had not yet turned Wrigley Field into the World's Largest Kegger Party. Following yet another home loss, then Cubs Manager, Lee Elia, was asked about the criticism the team received from the stands.

We're mired in a little bit of difficulty here. We got all these so-called f*ckin’ fans,who are supposed to be behind you, ripping every f*ckin’ thing you do. I hope we get hotter than sh*t, just to stuff it up the 3,000 people who show up every f*ckin’ day. Because if they're the real Chicago f*ckin’ fans, they can kiss my ass right downtown...and PRINT IT!!

They're really behind you here. MY f*ckin’ ass! What the f*ck am I supposed to do? Let my f*ckin’ players go out and get destroyed every f*ckin’ day? For the nickel and dime people who show up? The mother-f*ckers don't even work! That's why they're at the f*ckin’ game! They ought to go out and get a job and find out what it's like to earn a f*ckin’ living.85% of the f*ckin’ world is working,the rest come out here. It's a f*ckin’ playground for the c*cks*ckers. RIP THEM motherf*ckers!! RIP THEM c*cks*ckers LIKE THE f*ckin’ PLAYERS! We got guys who are busting their ass, and the f*ckin’ people boo! That’s the Cubs? MY f*ckin’ ass!

They talk about the great support that the players get around here. I haven't seen it this year. Don't ask me about any specific thing, cause I wont answer it. I'm not going to talk about any specific plays. The name of the game is hit the ball, catch the ball and get the f*ckin’ job done. Every time we lose a close game, it's magnified. Why did this guy bunt? Why did this guy pop up? Or why did this guy throw a wild pitch? That's baseball, fellas. That's gonna happen. That's how runs are scored. That's how the f*ckin’ balance goes cockeyed. That's the difference between victory and defeat. Right now, we have more losses than we have wins. Everybody associated with this f*ckin’ organization have been winners their whole f*ckin’ life! EVERYBODY! And the f*ckin’ credit is not given in that respect. The f*ckin’ changes in the Cubs organization have been multifold. OK,They don't show because we're 5-14. And unfortunately, that's the criteria of the dumb 15 motherf*ckin’ percent that come out to day baseball! The other 85% are earning a living! I'll tell you, it will take more than a 5-13 or 5-14 to destroy the makeup of this club. I guarantee you, there are some f*ckin’ pros out there that want to f*ckin’ play this game, but they're stuck in the f*ckin’ stigma of the f*ckin’ Dodgers, the Phillies, the Cardinals and thatother cheap sh*t and all these f*ckin’ editorials about Cey, the f*ckin’.....the Phillie-itisand all that sh*t. It gets sickening! It's unbelieveable. It's a disheartening situation were in right now.

Anybody that was associated with the Cubs organization 4-5 years ago and came back and sees a multitude of progress that's been made. You'll understand that they're baseball people,and 5-14 doesn't negate all that work. We got 143 games f*ckin’ left. What I'm trying to say is "Don't rip them f*ckin’ guys out there! Rip me!" If you want to rip someone, rip my f*ckin’ ass! But don't rip them f*ckin’ guys because they're giving everything they can give. Right now,they are trying to do more than God gave them and that's why we make the simple mistakes. That's exactly why! And once we hit that groove, it'll flow. I don't know how to make it any plainer for you. I'll guarantee you, I'm frustrated. It would be different if I walked in every morning at 8:30 and saw a bunch of guys who didn't give a sh*t. They give a sh*t. And it's a tough National League East. It's a tough National League period.

Listen to the rant HERE.

Above: Typical mope Cubs fans awaiting the inevitable demise of their beloved, acursed team. Note the anxious slack-jaw look of resignation as they wait to see how fate will again kick them in the nuts. Such punishment is always deserved by those who cannot wear their caps the right direction.

Above: Ah, that's more like it. In dire need of washing the bad taste of another Cubs choke-job out of their mouths, the Cubs fans take to what comes naturally -- consuming ridiculous amounts of piss-warm beer. After this picture was taken, the deck collapsed but due to an intoxication level far beyond that which would have rendered an elephant comatose, all pictured Cubs fans were able to stagger away from the scene.

Above: This adorable Cubs fan will be dead before the Cubs win another World Series. 100 years and counting!

Bar Gossip = Bad News for Parents

A CZECH couple who took a DNA test to squash persistent pub gossip about the parentage of their 10-month-old baby got a nasty surprise when it was found neither of them were.

Read the article HERE.

A New Season Begins

Well, Cavemen wasn't the absolute worst sit-com ever to pollute the airwaves. That distinction still belongs to According to Jim. Cavemen had its funny concepts and moments. Having one of the cavemen working in a pseudo-IKEA and playing squash was funny. There definitely was room for improvement. I guess it remains to be seen how many Flintstones references we're going to be subjected to. One the whole, I would say it gets 2 stars but has some potential. Given the dearth of interesting new shows on the slate, it may be given some slack to find itself and an audience.

House was at his misanthropic best this week in episode 2. Undoubtedly, Kal Penn will land a spot on the show. He doesn't seem to have a long life-span on t.v. shows, though (see Angel, 24). It will be interesting to see how they have the old team co-exist with the new. I predict an all-out catfight at some point between the newly blonde Cameron and Machiavellian bad-girl, Amber.

Now to see what 24 is going to do. Maybe an episode where Jack gets pulled over for DUI, looks in the rearview mirror at the flashing police lights and mutters, "Dammit!"

I'm Literally Beside Myself on This One

A comic that addresses my pet language peeve (or at least one of them). Usually, mis-used by sports commentators who tend to speak in hyperbole as a matter of course, it seems that fewer and fewer people understand what "literally" actually means.

My usual anecdotes about literally involve a sports reporter commenting on the NFL rookie combines where players about to be drafter are rated on their physical prowess, leaping ability and speed. One player was reported to have "literally exploded from the starting line during his 40 yard dash." Or the NBA play-by-play announcer who informed that audience that the point guard "dribbled down the lane and was literally hacked to death on his way to the basket." That would certainly be a boost to ratings.

America's Favre-orite QB

Dan Marino's record falls as Brett Favre throws for touchdowns numbers 421 and 422 in a 23-16 victory over division rivals, Minnesota Vikings, in the hated Metrodome. In typical self-depreciating fashion, Favre said that despite the record, he still considers Marino to be the best pure passer of all-time. Perhaps, but no one ever had as much fun at quarterback as Favre. Period.

Fun While It Lasted

Well, the Brewers were eliminated today by the San Diego Padres 6-3. If at the beginning of the season you would have told me that the Brewers would finish in 2nd place and have a .500 record or better, I would have been happy. However, when the Brewers had an 8-1/2 game lead on the division after the All-Star game and were 14 games over .500 at more than one point during the season, expectations understandably were raised. That, coupled with the division going to the irritating Chicago Cubs makes it all the worse.

Now, I want to see the Brewers actually finish over .500 and make the Padres earn a place in the post-season. I'll be very disappointed if the Crew roll over and play dead the last two games.

Heh Heh Heh

The Old Man and the TD

So, Brett Favre is washed up and a shadow of his former self? Well he isn't what he was in 1996 but given a modicum of talent surrounding him he still appears well able to get the job done and statistically speaking is a top notch QB. It also helps having an offensive line that keeps him on his feet for the most part.

Now tied with Dan Marino for an NFL record 420 touchdown passes, he will easily surpass that mark most likely starting next week. Peyton Manning may be fast approaching but for now the mark will be Favre's. And it should be noted that this year he is doing it without even a hint of a running game.

Can he keep it going all year? Will defenses adjust? Maybe but it's still impressive to see him doing what he's doing at this stage of his career. Next up are the Minnesota Vikings and given their run defense, it will be up to the arm of Favre to find a way to win in the Humpty Dome.

Freedom of Advertising

Ahhh, summer is over and college students across the nation are free to make an ass out of themselves in the name of "free speech". Colorado State University's school paper's editorial board took the deeply philosophical position of "F*** BUSH". The Board claimed that the headline-sized "article" was meant to foster student discussion of the freedom of speech. More like the freedom to be a jerk-wad. It should be noted that another article on the same page appears to be critical of Hillary Clinton and her health care plan.

Fallout from the Bush expletive has been visited upon the paper. Not because of University sanctions (the University is prohibited by law from penalizing the paper or its staff) but in the most American way possible -- Capitalism. As a result of the paper's need to express this intellectual point of view, it has lost approximately $30,000.00 in advertising resulting in pay and budget cuts. I guess this will teach studets about freedom of speech: Maybe the government can't prohibit stupidity (unless it endangers public safety) but the market can and will punish such asinine proclamations and that's America at work.

For more on this item, click HERE.

Unfunny Joke/Art Bombs at Airport

You would think that an idiot from M.I.T. would be oxymoronic but it's not. An M.I.T. student allegedly meeting her boyfriend at Boston's Logan International Airport decided to wear a shirt adorned with a circuit board, flashing lights, wiring and a handful of Play-Doh. The unfortunately named Star Simpson now says the shirt was just a piece of art of which she was proud and wanted to display. Huh? It's lame artwork at best and there is a time and place to display that kind of thing and an airport is not it.

It's clearly an example of someone having bad taste in humor/art (not to mention hair), worse judgment and who wanted to stir up attention. Well, she's got it now. She's just not willing to suffer for her "art". It's time for people to realize this kind of asinine behavior will not be tolerated and she should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law possible. It's not like the illegal nature of making jokes about having a bomb hasn't been well-known even well before 9/11. Star Simpson needs to find out that these laws are in place for the protection of the citizenry and are to be taken seriously even if your parents are dopes who gave you a name making you destined to stupidly seek the spotlight no matter the consequences.

For more on this click HERE.

A Tribute to Sam Elliott's Moustache

I again watched my favorite Western movie of all-time last night, Tombstone. And it made me think about the greatest actor of our time...Sam Elliott's moustache. Some may think that Sam Elliott is a great character actor but in analysis, it's quite clear that it's his moustache that gets the job done.

Whether it's in a role as a cowboy, lawman, bouncer, soldier or whatever, Sam Elliott's moustache conveys all that is intense, deep and hairy in the human psyche. Here is to the day when the Acadamy Awards finally recognizes the contributions to the film industry made by Sam Elliott's moustache and present it with the long overdue career achievement award that it so richly deserves.

Bloodrayne 2: The Curse of Uwe Boll

Well, German film hack director, Uwe Boll, has unleashed another plague upon the film-viewing community. This time it is Bloodrayne 2: Deliverance. The continuing story of a half-vampire/half-human dhampir now in the American Wild West up against Billy the Kid who, you guessed it, is a vampire. For some reason, Billy the Kid has an eastern European accent and likes killing little children. Other than that, the storyline is more or less incomprehensible. And actually, the audience is better off for it.

The acting is atrocious. The cinematography is bewildering. The dialogue is nauseating. Germany, it should be noted, gives big tax deductions for movies that lose money and Bloodrayne 2 should make accountants happy this year. This time around Kristianna Loken, Michael Madsen, Ben Kingsley, Billy Zane, Michelle Rodriguez and even Meat Loaf, took a pass on the sequel. But Michael Pare' decided he needed the paycheck and takes a role here. Yes, I'm still trying to figure out what Michelle Rodriguez was doing in the first movie.

The videogame on which the Bloodrayne series is ostensibly based is great, campy vampire and Nazi-killing fun. Unfortunately, Boll doesn't care about the fans of the game and only wishes to impose his so-called vision upon the viewer. There is a ham-handed "plot" here but there is nothing remotely compelling about this film.

I'm sure there will be another sequel to lose more money and create more deductions like this direct-to-DVD dreck undoubtedly did. Sadly, like the train-wreck I am driving by, I know it's going to be unpleasant and ugly to look at, but I have to see for myself just how bad it's going to be. Uwe Boll never disappoints in this regard.

O.J. Redux

Yes, he's back in the news. Taking a break from his continued search of golf courses across America for the "true killers" of his wife and Ron Goldman, O.J. Simpson now finds himself charged with 10 felony charges and a misdemeanor that could potentially put him away for the rest of his life. The new charges stem from his "alleged" armed attack of a sports memorabilia dealer who was selling O.J.-related merchandise.

I would think that the memorabilia O.J. claimed to be retrieving would actually have belonged to the Goldman and Brown families based on the civil verdict entered against O.J. Most likely, O.J. gave the stuff to the memorabilia dealer to keep the Goldmans and Browns from getting at it and eventually the dealer decided that O.J. couldn't legally come after him for it. Of course, he forgot with whom he was dealing. The key word there is "legally". How ironic would it be that O.J. could literally get away with murder and then get put away for life based on this kind of matter. It would definitely be poetic.

Maybe he felt jealous of Michael Vick receiving all the anti-football player hatred and wanted people to remember that O.J. is the real deal when it comes to heinous acts and as horrible as Vick's treatment of the dogs was, O.J. can and has done him one better.

A Dr. Suess Parody that made the rounds on the internet a while back:

I did not kill my lovely wife.
I did not slash her with a knife.
I did not bonk her on the head.
I did not know that she was dead.

I stayed at home that fateful night.
I took a cab, then took a flight.
The bag I had was just for me.
My bag! My bag! Hey, leave it be.

When I came home I had a gash.
My hand was cut from broken glass.
I cut my hand on broken glass.
A broken glass did cause that gash.

I have nothing, nothing to hide.
My friend, he took me for a ride.

Did you take this person's life?
Did you do it with a knife?

I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not, kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not, anytime.

Did you hit her from above?
Did you drop this bloody glove?

I did not hit her from above.
I cannot even wear that glove.
I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not, kill my wife.

I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not, anytime.

And now I'm free, I can return
To my house for which I yearn.
And to my family whom I love.
Hey now I'm free -- Give back my glove!!

You can also read O.J.'s new book, "If I Robbed Him": Article

Monkey Tattoo

Airline Humor

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago .

The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"

The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant.

So the boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant.

The flight attendant, who was very busy at the time, smiled sweetly and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"

The boy said, "Yes she did."

"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes, because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."

I can actually see a Southwest flight attendant saying that. Apparently, there are a number of Southwest flight attendant jokes and quips.

Bang, Zoom, Right to the Moon!

What, Me Worry?

Damn crown fell out again. It fell out end of July while I was eating a piece of Starbucks® cinnamon swirl coffee cake (reduced fat, no less). I took a bite and it suctioned right out of the socket. It wasn't too painful to deal with (and a good thing too since I couldn't get in to see the dentist until the following week) but it was annoying.

This time, it fell out while I was eating a Dunkin Donuts® reduced fat blueberry muffin. Maybe I need to stop eating pastries. Good luck with that. At least this time I got an appointment to have it fixed tomorrow. I had to re-schedule my appearance for jury duty which I actually wanted to do. Oh well.

Poor Britney

Someone needs to tell her that a change of style is needed. She's a mother of two now. She doesn't have to be a pop-tart anymore. Apparently, she doesn't remember how anyways. It's sad to see how lost she looked up there. Even P.Diddy and 50 Cent seemed boggled by the train wreck that was her performance.

Thugs of a Feather

Terrell Owens has spoken out on the Mike Vick dogfighting scandal. While careful to make it clear that he doesn't (currently) participate in dogfighting, he believes dogfighting is a cultural part of the south (like in-breeding). But as can be seen in the picture above, dog fighting isn't necessariliy a racial or cultural thing, it's a hooligan/thuggish thing, even if the hooligans and thugs are wearing top hats or all the bling in the world.

The Dallas Morning News reports Owens as saying: "I don't condone Michael Vick's actions with the dog fighting," Owens said. "I've been exposed to it and it's something that's very unfortunate for Mike. I think he'll learn from this situation and move on from it. When I mentioned cultural thing, [it's] just like when people go out and they hunt deer," he said. "They hunt deer and they cut their heads off and they go to mount them on the wall. And they are animals as well. I don't see a big difference in the situation. "

Owens doesn't see a big difference because he is a moron. Deer are hunted and they instinctively know they are being hunted by humans and others. They have colorations, senses and quickness to assist them in eluding their predators. Dogs are companions who do not understand that these humans are hurting/killing them. At the end of the day dogfightling leaves dog dead and a human with pocketsful of money going "Yippee! Yippee!"

So T.O. has joined such mental luminaries as running back, Clinton Portis (alumn of the University of Miami, Fla. school of thuggery) and Whoopi "It's My First Day, I Have To Be Controversial" Goldberg. On the plus side, at least ESPN got rid of Michael Irvin so we aren't subjected to his nightly apologism for Mike Vick and other thugs who happen to be athletes.

White Lines

Listening to my Sirius Radio I came across a remix of the 1984 classic rap, White Lines by Grandmaster Flash & Melle Mel. While it has been used to promote the drug culture lifestyle, the lyrics have a pretty clear anti-drug message. Whether that's supposed to be ironic, I don't know. In any event, it was a nice flashback to the music of my 1980s youth.

Lyrics:

(Aaah, aaah, aaah, aaah)
Uhraah! Bass!
Ooh White, White
Ooh White, White
Ooh White, White
(Ooh White Lines) Vision dreams of passion
(Blowin’ through my mind) and all the while I think of you
(High price) a very strange reaction
(For us to unwind) the more I see, the more I do
(Something like a phenomenon) Baby!
(Tellin your body to come along, but white lines blow away)
(Blow! Rock it! Blow!)

Ticket to ride, white line highway
Tell all your friends, they can go my way
Pay your toll, sell your soul
Pound for pound costs more than gold
The longer you stay, the more you pay
My white lines go a long way
Either up your nose or through your vein
With nothin to gain except killin’ your brain
(Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock!)
(Blow!)

(Ahhh) Higher, baby
(Ahhh) Get higher, baby!
(Ahhh) Get higher, baby!
And don't ever come down! (Freebase!)

Rang dang diggedy dang di-dang
Rang dang diggedy dang di-dang R
ang dang diggedy dang di-dang
Diggedy dang di-dang diggedy dang di-dang

(Pipeline) pure as the driven snow
(Connected to my mind) and now I'm havin’ fun, baby!
(High price) it's getting kinda low
(Cause it makes you feel so nice) I need some one-on-one, baby!
(Don't let it blow your mind away) Baby!
(And go into your little hideaway ‘cause white lines blow away)
(Blow! )

A million magic crystals, painted pure and white
A multi-million dollars almost overnight
Twice as sweet as sugar, twice as bitter as salt
And if you get hooked, baby, it's nobody else's fault, so don't do it!
(Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock!)Raah!
(Blow!)
(Ahhh) Higher, baby
(Ahhh) Get higher, baby!
(Ahhh) Get higher, baby!
And don't ever come down! (Freebase!)

(Don’t you get too high) don’t you get too high baby!
(Turns you on) you really turn me on and on
(When you gonna come down) my temperature is risin’
(When the thrill is gone) no, I don’t want you to go

A street kid gets arrested, gonna do some time
He got out three years from now just to commit more crime
A businessman is caught with 24 kilos
He’s out on bail and out of jail
And that’s the way it goes
Raah!

(Kane! Sugar! Kane! Sugar! Kane!)

Athletes rejected, governors corrected
Gangsters, thugs and smugglers are thoroughly respected
The money gets divided
The women get excited
Now I’m broke and it’s no joke
It’s hard as hell to fight it, don’t buy it!

(Freeze! Haha ha ha! Rock! Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock!)
Raah!
(Blow!)

(Ahhh) Get higher, baby
(Ahhh) Get higher, girl!
(Ahhh) Get higher, baby! C’mon!
Raah!

(White Lines) Vision dreams of passion
(Blowin’ through my mind) and all the while I think of you
(High price) a very strange reaction
(For us to unwind) the more I see, the more I do
(Something like a phenomenon) Baby!
(Tellin your body to come along, but white lines blow away)

Little Jack Horner sitting on the corner
With no shoes and clothes
This aint funny, but he took his money
And sniffed it up his nose

(Hey man, you wanna cop some blow?)
(Sure, what you got, dust, flakes or rocks?)
(I got China White, Mother of Pearl, Ivory Flake, What you need?)
(Well yeah, well let me check it out man, just let me get a freeze)
(Go ahead man, stuff I got should kill ya!)
(Yeah man th-that’s that’s raw, wuh)

(Freeze! Haha ha ha! Rock! Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock!)

Little Leagues, Major Pressure

I still don't think the Little League World Series should be televised. It obviously places so much pressure on the kids. On the other hand, when it's on, I find it almost impossible to turn off. There is the "Us" vs. "Them" national pride issues (which again puts more pressure on the kids). But I also like watching baseball played full-out the way it's meant to be played even if it's not at the highest skill levels.

And the U.S.A. pulled off the big upset. Although now it doesn't seem to be as a big an upset as it used to be.

Even the win by the Americans was secondary to watching the raw emotions on the faces of both winners and losers. The Japanese kids were extremely gracious in defeat. Shaking hands with and hugging their opponents after the game even as tears rolled down their little faces. That was the true spirit of the game.

Peanuts Forever

Today, Peanuts would have been 18. It's hard to believe that she's been gone for two and a half years already. While not the "Mother of All Schnauzers" (that was Schatzie, my dad's schnauzer), Peanuts was their Queen.

Although it may not be entirely fair to all other schnauzers that they should be compared to the greatness that was Peanuts, there is no shame in falling short of her standard of perfection. Indeed, Westley found it liberating. He knew it was an honor to be able to bask in Peanuts' glorious schnauzerness. So maybe he wasn't as much of a fool as he'd have had us believe. Well, yeah, he was but nonetheless he knew enough to appreciate Peanuts' (relatively) benevolent reign.

Bye Bye Con-Vick

So Michael Vick plans to plead guilty to federal charges of dog fighting and conspiracy. What a surprise. At least now we can put an end to the deluge of "innocent until proven guilty" from the Vick apologists. And it's not "innocent until proven guilty" it's "deemed innocent in the eyes of the law until proven guilty". The court of public opinion can rule long before any judge or jury. Moreover, just because a judge or jury hasn't heard the facts doesn't mean that the accused didn't do it. When you commit a crime, you're guilty even if you're not charged, tried or convicted. It's only in the eyes of the law that you are deemed "not guilty".

In some judical systems is phrased as "not proven guilty" which acknowledges that sometimes while the prosecutor may not have proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt, it doesn't mean that the accused is necessarily innocent. O.J. would fit into that category.

But with Vick, such technical legal quandries are moot. He's guilty. He may come back at some later date saying that he only pled guilty because his friends and associates were willing to frame him to cut a better deal but I don't think the public is going to buy that load. He's a scumbag and deserves whatever prison sentence he gets.

I get so sick of talk show hosts criticizing the guys who turn state's evidence. They act like the Goodfellas code is a good thing that shouldn't be violated. That's B.S. Citizens of an honest society should work with law enforcement to bring criminals to justice. Otherwise, the bad guys have the upper hand and the world is worse off because of it. Or we could just turn to vigilante justice which is always fun too!

Anywho, does this mean he should be banned from football for life? Probably not for the dogfighting charges alone. Once he serves his sentence and whatever suspension the NFL imposes, he should be allowed to pursue gainful employment even as a multi-million dollar football player. That is allowed to try. Hopefully, NFL teams will weigh the pros and cons (no pun intended) of hiring and will realize the damage to their franchise's reputation isn't worth it. Moreover, depending on the length of his sentence/suspension who knows if he'll be the same player he once was or even if he'll be a viabile player at the pro level. CFL get ready! Or maybe the Raiders would want him since they probably still won't have their 1st round QB pick this year signed by then.











Right back at you, Mike.

Pro-Life Anne Rice Supports Hillary?!?!

Popular vampire fiction writer Anne Rice has endorsed Democratic candidate for President, Hillary Clinton. Throughout the endorsement, Rice referenced her own Christian faith and strong opposition to abortion. Of course, she added the politically correct caveat that she respected the positions of those who disagree with her. Sure.

Rice went on to comment that: "I am keenly aware that Christians disagree violently on what the Gospels say." Really? While there have been historical occasions of intra-faith warfare over the interpretation of the Gospel, to broadly paint the Christian faith with the brush of jihad does a disservice to those of faith how strive for change peacefully. Certainly, nothing like the Sunni vs. Shiite violence can be currently attributed to Christian scriptural conflict. Do we disagree vehemently? You bet. Violently, I don't think so. The abortion bombing cases are the work of a tiny fringe of the anti-abortion/pro-life movement. Those who claim otherwise have another agenda at work.

And much as she is horrified by abortion, she is not sure that Americans should give up the right to abortion. Huh? To proclaim the sanctity of the unborn and then defend the right to murder said unborn is pure blather. Makes my head hurt.

I'm not denying Rice's faith or convictions. Maybe just her logic. I guess that I was most surprised to even hear that she was a practicing Christian. She even has Ave Maria playing as background music on her site. I expected, I dunno, voodoo or something. Or a lapsed Catholic whose books on the occult belied a vindictive abhorrence of Christianity. Apparently not. But the strength of her convictions has given way to backwards logic in this case.

Dirty Bomber: Guilty

So after winning his fight to be tried, Jose Padilla has been convicted of federal support of terrorism charges. Out of the frying pan and into the fire. Kudos to Padilla's legal team.

Some in my office have said, "We'll it's about time after we've been feeding and housing him for all these years." Not to mention the waterboarding.

At least I hope we did. We certainly should now.

Civil Law

Inconceivable

"It's a test is all it is. We didn't lose a game in the standings. How do we react to that? My money is that these kids are going to bounce back just fine. It's all part of the process."
~~ Ned Yost, Milwaukee Brewers manager

"Iceberg? What iceberg?"
~~ Captain Edward John Smith, RMS Titanic

So Bad He Was Good?

Watched parts of a trial yesterday. It was a plaintiff's attorney that I'd never seen before against an attorney against whose firm I have a number of cases. The plaintiff's attorney was awkward and seemingly ill-prepared. He didn't seem to have his questions lined up and planned on just hoping his client could give her story in narrative form. Defense counsel repeatedly objected to the narrative and the judge sustained the objections.

The plaintiff's attorney did have the advantage of the fact that the defendant didn't show up for trial. Allegedly, he was unable to make it in to town from Nebraska or Kansas or Oklaholma or some such state. That always is a good thing for a plaintiff (issues of insurance coverage notwithstanding).

In closing argument, the plaintiff's attorney repeatedly commented that defendant has produced no evidence. Defense counsel repeatedly objected saying that a defendant has no burden of proof and the Court sustained the objection. While I think there is some issue as to whether it is fair commentary to point out a defendant has adduced no evidence, the judge sustained the objections. Moreover, the plaintiff's attorney was so bent on pointing out the lack of defense evidence that he entirely failed to comment on the strengths of his own unrefuted case.

He went on and on about defense counsel claiming there was an X-Files-type conspiracy theories between plaintiff and the plaintiff's doctors. It might have been effective if it wasn't so rambling. Maybe he could have used a tag line like: "The truth isn't out there. It was up there (pointing to the witness stand) from where my client and her doctor testified."

I spoke to another plaintiff's attorney who was watching the closing arguments and he wasn't too impressed with the close. There were times where I found it downright painful to listen to what he was trying to say.

But what do I know? The jury came back with a verdict for the plaintiff in the amount of $6,500 on a case with around $2,500 in medical bills. More than 2-1/2 times the bills so not bad for a "whiplash" type case. I guess I just don't know if I can be bad enough to get that good of a result.