Sweep the Leg -- Kick Ass Video

As If Anyone Cared

It's Oscar Time. But really, who cares? The awards don't affect my interest in a movie one way or the other. Will there even be an awards show due to the writer's strike? I guess that "Best Screenplay" would be a writer's award. Would they cross the picket lines to get their trophy? Who cares?



Complete list of 80th annual Academy Award nominations announced Tuesday:

1. Best Picture: "Atonement," "Juno," "Michael Clayton," "No Country for Old Men," "There Will Be Blood."

2. Actor: George Clooney, "Michael Clayton"; Daniel Day-Lewis, "There Will Be Blood"; Johnny Depp, "Sweeney Todd the Demon Barber of Fleet Street"; Tommy Lee Jones, "In the Valley of Elah"; Viggo Mortensen, "Eastern Promises."

3. Actress: Cate Blanchett, "Elizabeth: The Golden Age"; Julie Christie, "Away From Her"; Marion Cotillard, "La Vie en Rose"; Laura Linney, "The Savages"; Ellen Page, "Juno."

4. Supporting Actor: Casey Affleck, "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford"; Javier Bardem, "No Country for Old Men"; Hal Holbrook, "Into the Wild"; Philip Seymour Hoffman, "Charlie Wilson's War"; Tom Wilkinson, "Michael Clayton."

5. Supporting Actress: Cate Blanchett, "I'm Not There"; Ruby Dee, "American Gangster"; Saoirse Ronan, "Atonement"; Amy Ryan, "Gone Baby Gone"; Tilda Swinton, "Michael Clayton."

6. Director: Julian Schnabel, "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly"; Jason Reitman, "Juno"; Tony Gilroy, "Michael Clayton"; Joel Coen and Ethan Coen, "No Country for Old Men"; Paul Thomas Anderson, "There Will Be Blood."

7. Foreign Film: "Beaufort," Israel; "The Counterfeiters," Austria; "Katyn," Poland; "Mongol," Kazakhstan; "12," Russia.

8. Adapted Screenplay: Christopher Hampton, "Atonement"; Sarah Polley, "Away from Her"; Ronald Harwood, "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly"; Joel Coen & Ethan Coen, "No Country for Old Men"; Paul Thomas Anderson, "There Will Be Blood."

9. Original Screenplay: Diablo Cody, "Juno"; Nancy Oliver, "Lars and the Real Girl"; Tony Gilroy, "Michael Clayton"; Brad Bird, Jan Pinkava and Jim Capobianco, "Ratatouille"; Tamara Jenkins, "The Savages."

10. Animated Feature Film: "Persepolis"; "Ratatouille"; "Surf's Up."

11. Art Direction: "American Gangster," "Atonement," "The Golden Compass," "Sweeney Todd the Demon Barber of Fleet Street," "There Will Be Blood."

12. Cinematography: "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford," "Atonement," "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly," "No Country for Old Men," "There Will Be Blood."

13. Sound Mixing: "The Bourne Ultimatum," "No Country for Old Men," "Ratatouille," "3:10 to Yuma," "Transformers."

14. Sound Editing: "The Bourne Ultimatum," "No Country for Old Men," "Ratatouille," "There Will Be Blood," "Transformers."

15. Original Score: "Atonement," Dario Marianelli; "The Kite Runner," Alberto Iglesias; "Michael Clayton," James Newton Howard; "Ratatouille," Michael Giacchino; "3:10 to Yuma," Marco Beltrami.

16. Original Song: "Falling Slowly" from "Once," Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova; "Happy Working Song" from "Enchanted," Alan Menken and Stephen Schwartz; "Raise It Up" from "August Rush," Nominees to be determined; "So Close" from "Enchanted," Alan Menken and Stephen Schwartz; "That's How You Know" from "Enchanted," Alan Menken and Stephen Schwartz.

17. Costume: "Across the Universe," "Atonement," "Elizabeth: The Golden Age," "La Vie en Rose," "Sweeney Todd the Demon Barber of Fleet Street."

18. Documentary Feature: "No End in Sight," "Operation Homecoming: Writing the Wartime Experience," "Sicko," "Taxi to the Dark Side," "War/Dance."

19. Documentary (short subject): "Freeheld," "La Corona (The Crown)," "Salim Baba," "Sari's Mother."

20. Film Editing: "The Bourne Ultimatum," "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly," "Into the Wild," "No Country for Old Men," "There Will Be Blood."

21. Makeup: "La Vie en Rose," "Norbit," "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End."

22. Animated Short Film: "I Met the Walrus," "Madame Tutli-Putli," "Meme Les Pigeons Vont au Paradis (Even Pigeons Go to Heaven)," "My Love (Moya Lyubov)," "Peter & the Wolf."

23. Live Action Short Film: "At Night," "Il Supplente (The Substitute)," "Le Mozart des Pickpockets (The Mozart of Pickpockets)," "Tanghi Argentini," "The Tonto Woman."

24. Visual Effects: "The Golden Compass," "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End," "Transformers."

A Tribute to Sam Elliott's Moustache

I again watched my favorite Western movie of all-time last night, Tombstone. And it made me think about the greatest actor of our time...Sam Elliott's moustache. Some may think that Sam Elliott is a great character actor but in analysis, it's quite clear that it's his moustache that gets the job done.

Whether it's in a role as a cowboy, lawman, bouncer, soldier or whatever, Sam Elliott's moustache conveys all that is intense, deep and hairy in the human psyche. Here is to the day when the Acadamy Awards finally recognizes the contributions to the film industry made by Sam Elliott's moustache and present it with the long overdue career achievement award that it so richly deserves.

Bloodrayne 2: The Curse of Uwe Boll

Well, German film hack director, Uwe Boll, has unleashed another plague upon the film-viewing community. This time it is Bloodrayne 2: Deliverance. The continuing story of a half-vampire/half-human dhampir now in the American Wild West up against Billy the Kid who, you guessed it, is a vampire. For some reason, Billy the Kid has an eastern European accent and likes killing little children. Other than that, the storyline is more or less incomprehensible. And actually, the audience is better off for it.

The acting is atrocious. The cinematography is bewildering. The dialogue is nauseating. Germany, it should be noted, gives big tax deductions for movies that lose money and Bloodrayne 2 should make accountants happy this year. This time around Kristianna Loken, Michael Madsen, Ben Kingsley, Billy Zane, Michelle Rodriguez and even Meat Loaf, took a pass on the sequel. But Michael Pare' decided he needed the paycheck and takes a role here. Yes, I'm still trying to figure out what Michelle Rodriguez was doing in the first movie.

The videogame on which the Bloodrayne series is ostensibly based is great, campy vampire and Nazi-killing fun. Unfortunately, Boll doesn't care about the fans of the game and only wishes to impose his so-called vision upon the viewer. There is a ham-handed "plot" here but there is nothing remotely compelling about this film.

I'm sure there will be another sequel to lose more money and create more deductions like this direct-to-DVD dreck undoubtedly did. Sadly, like the train-wreck I am driving by, I know it's going to be unpleasant and ugly to look at, but I have to see for myself just how bad it's going to be. Uwe Boll never disappoints in this regard.

Major League

When the Brewers are losing (which they've been doing far too much of lately), I like to pop in the old Major League DVD. I still haven't been able to spot myself in the stadium shots in old (and now defunct) Milwaukee County Stadium or in the aerial shots over (the also defunct) Municipal Stadium in Cleveland. But it's still a fun movie.

That said, several things about the movie have always bugged me. First of all, the thought that a team would be able to cut their entire roster to bring in cheaper talent never made sense since all major league players have guaranteed contracts. One would think it would be great for the players if the Indians cut them. If they had any talent, they'd catch on elsewhere with a better team for more pay or if they didn't, they'd still get paid until their contract expired.

When Rick Vaughn (Charlie Sheen) got the fake "red tag" in his locker indicating that he'd been cut from the major league roster, he went ballistic on manager, Lou Brown (James Gammon), saying that he'd catch on with another team and stick it up Brown's ass for cutting him. Uh, Ricky...when you get cut from the major league roster because you're not quite ready, you usually get sent to the minors. Not released outright." Duh.

Next, the "problem" of third baseman Roger Dorn (Corbin Bernsen) being all bat and no glove would have been easy to fix. The Indians are an American League team. He just would have been made a designated hitter. Problem solved.

The speed and lack of conscience with which Lynn Westland (Rene Russo) cheats on her fiancee with Jake Taylor (Tom Berenger) is disturbing. But that might just be a moral issue that I have don't share with the Hollywood crowd.

While I've never been to spring training camp, I'm pretty sure that major league players would not be bunking together like they were at summer basketball camp. Even with the league minimum being a "mere" $68,000 in 1989 (it would go up to $100,000 by 1990 and is $380,000 now), one would think that players such as Dorn and Eddie Harris (Chelcie Ross) who had been in the league for several years - and make considerably more than the minimum - would find their own accomodations even at a Motel 6 rather than barracks style bedding. Maybe minor leaguers and non-roster invitee might do that but veterans? No.

Finally, the "hunch" that led Brown to bring in "Wild Thing" Vaughn to face Clu Haywood (former Milwaukee Brewers pitcher Pete Vuckovich) with the game on the line and given Vaughn's inability to keep Haywood from hitting every pitch out of the ballpark is completely absurd. But it makes for good theater.

Of course, that's all nit-picking. It's still a great movie.

Another Disappointment from Michael Bay

Went to see the Transformers movie. Not being a big fan of the 1980s animated cartoon series, I was just looking for some exciting action sequences and special effects. There wasn't a whole lot of either. While I didn't expect a Shakespearean plot, the utter lack of a coherent storyline was made more evident by the disjointed action and jarring camera work.

Shia LaBeouf portrays one of the most unlikable protagonists seen on the big screen in some time. His character, Sam Witwicky, starts out as the typical, outsider geek-type but without the innate charm that can endear the character to the audience and, of course, the beautiful girl, Mikaela.

There seems to be no continuity director on this set as when Sam picks up Mikaela early in the 144 minute movie she notes that she lives ten miles away. It appears to be early to mid-afternoon. Along the way there is a short delay as Sam's car (a Transformer, of course) tries to play matchmaker by futzing with the radio and feigning a breakdown. Mikaela should have maced Sam right there. When they finally get to Mikaela's house, it's the middle of the night. Maybe there was a scene (or three) that were edited out to explain the time lapse but we're left to assume that some deep emotional exchanges have led Mikaela to see the depths of Sam's personality. Depths which are completely omitted from the script. Of course, by the end of the movie, Sam has a smokin' car so maybe that's good enough for her.

The Transformers themselves are decent. The special effects were pretty much what I expected. In fact, the best lines of dialogue are saved for the robots who seem more at ease with the clunky, mechanical "plot". Unfortunately, the battle scenes are so frenetic that it's downright headache inducing. You can't really see what is going on and more annoying is that with rare exception, you can't tell which Autobot (good guy Transformer) is fighting with which Decepticon (bad guy Transformer).

Eventually, the government captures Sam and Mikaela because of their association with the alien Autobots. Then in the next scene and without exposition, they've been released and are flying to the Hoover Dam under the protection of the Secretary of Defense. Huh?

Without the nostalgia of having collected or watched Transformers, I was left sorely disappointed in the movie. The only thing that was somewhat interesting was the proto-type Camero that Sam's Autobot transformed into. What surprised me was the fact that GM hadn't released the new Camero for production so as to provide a product tie in to the movie. Goodness knows there isn't enough product placement nowadays.

One and a half stars. The action is good but the plot and love story are enough to make Pearl Harbor look well written and acted.

Buffy-link alert: Tom Lenk (Buffy's "Andrew") plays a nameless computer analyst recruited by the government to do something or other.

Another God-Awful Movie

Is Evan Almighty a "Christian comedy"? The entertainment media seems to think so. Bob Tourtellotte in his June 26, 2007 Reuters article about Hollywood's diminishing prospects for a record box office in 2007 said that the reason is (among other things) the less than spectacular receipts for Ocean's 13, Spiderman 3 and "Christian comedy Evan Almighty".

Huh? Last I checked Noah and the Ark were in the Old Testament. Nor do I recall the previews indicating any appearance by Jesus, his disciples or apostles. (A quick check of the IMDb movie database confirms that Jesus was not in the movie). And although I didn't actually see the movie (or its predecessor Bruce Almighty, I would bet that neither movie actively (certainly not intentionally) promotes the Christian religion or even Judaism for that matter.

A "religious spoof" perhaps. Much like Monty Python's Life of Brian. But to call either a "Christian comedy" strains credulity.

I'm Your Huckleberry

With the wife out of town and galavanting about Pennsylvania, I have time to catch up on watching some of my favorite movies (between episodes of Buffy, of course). Tombstone is one of my favorite movies. Certainly, my favorite western. Starring Kurt Russell and Sam Elliott's moustache. Val Kilmer steals the show as Doc Holliday, though.

Just watched the gunfight at the O.K. Corral. Always nice to see the too-tanned Thomas Haden Church get whacked. The only problem I have with the scene, the whole movie actually, is that Holliday's shotguns and six-shooters were subject to the Rambo effect.

Early on in the gunfight, Holliday is carrying a double-barreled shotgun. A street howitzer, as Wyatt Earp calls it. Doc fires one barrel into the air to make a horse jump in order to get a clear shot at the Cowboy hiding behind it which he takes with the second barrel, blowing a hole in the guy's side. The scene cuts and the next thing you see is Holliday taking a third shot with the shotgun tearing into another Cowboy's leg.

Meanwhile, Ike Clanton has taken a gun from Sheriff Behan in the Inn behind the Earps' line and starts blazing away out the window. Doc then draws his twin pistols and returns fire. Over the course of 3 more cuts scenes back and forth, Holliday fires at least 10 shots from each of is revolvers. And the timing of the scenes really didn't allow for any reloading if that's how one tries to explain it.

Oh, well. Between Doc's memorable lines (some of the best non-Princess Bride lines ever) and the absolute carnage wreaked by Wyatt, it's up in Top Ten range for me.

300 -- Movie Review

I don't really care about the alleged neo-con aspirations of the movie and care even less about what lessons can be learned from the movie by contemporary culture. (Ummmm, kill, kill, kill?) Some have questioned the historical accuracy of the movie's protrayal of the Battle of Thermopylae in which 300 Spartans (together which about a couple thousand lesser trained soldiers) opposed Persia’s king, Xerxes I, and his army of 2,641,610. Iran has even weighed in with official criticism of the portrayal of Persian history. (Naturally, Iran's denial of the Holocaust is merely an investigation of historical revisionism). My main interest in the film, however, was: How many slow motion impalements can be captured in a 117 minute movie?

In 300, Sparta’s king, Leonidas, a manly man in a cape and leather underwear, seems like he escaped from the WWE as he exhorts his troops to glory/doom with a Greek-Irish brough (actor Gerard Butler appeared to be impersonating Mel Gibson's Braveheart throughout the movie). When Xerxes shows up looking like an 8-foot tall RuPaul wearing dog collars, lipstick and mascara, you know the Smackdown is coming.

The battle proceeds, as noted in various reviews, pitting the Persians, who are pioneers in the art of facial piercing and have vastly greater numbers — including ninjas, dervishes, elephants, a charging rhino and an angry bald giant — against the Spartans who clearly have the superior health clubs and electrolysis facilities. At stake is the answer to the historical question of "How could even an army of 2.6 million Persian have defeated the oiled abs and pecs of these Spartans?"

Final verdict — Once you understand that the Spartans would never cover up their over-sculpted bodies with something as unflattering as armor, the movie is a highly enjoyable blood-fest.

Above: Does Leonidas have a sword in his pocket or is he just happy to see Xerxes?

Movie Review

Had a camp movie double-feature. Watched Attack of the Crab Monsters (1957) starring Russell Johnson, the Professor of Gilligan's Island. Followed that terror-fest with The Marine (2006) starring WWE wrestler, John Cena. The purpose of this endeavor was to see who had the greater dramatic range: the Crab Monster or John Cena. Smart money was on the Crab.

Attack of the Crab Monsters opened with 3 minutes of watching a nuclear detonation in the South Pacific resulting, of course, in the mutation of a tasty crustacean into a giant claw machine with telepathy. Don't ask. I kept hoping that the Professor would create a secret weapon out of coconuts and take out the monster but alas it was not to be. Best Line (recited on numerous occasions): "Any one alive in there?" What would they do if someone yelled back, "No!"? Runner Up Quote (Spirit of Dead French Guy whose right hand was cut off by the Crab Monster in an earlier attack): "I'm just here dreaming of all the things I could do...with just my left hand."

Second on the bill for the night was The Marine which is an obvious rip-off of Arnold's Commando. Lots of stuff blowing up. Precious little acting. Cena was given a hottie wife to establish his heterosexuality but you always got the feeling he'd rather be in the gym shower with the guys. Robert Patrick seemed to be trying to channel the spirit of Christopher Walken. He seemed to be having fun at least. After the inevitible chick fight between Cena's wife and the bad girl, Cena blew up a few more things, resusitated his wife from the dead and killed Robert Patrick. Best Line (by Patrick after one of his cronies told the long and painful story of a summer camp counselor's inappropriate advances): "Good luck with all that."

The Winner: Both on thespian skills and story content: Attack of the Crab Monsters by a claw.

Captain America RIP

Word is out that Marvel Comics has killed off Captain America a.k.a Steve Rogers. The Captain was felled by an assassin's bullet as he turned himself in to the Superheroes Registration Board (or some such entity).

Is this just a publicity stunt to generate interest in a potential live-action movie? Is it another politically correct attack on the virtue of America's strength? Will Captain America come back like Superman did? Of course, when Superman "Returned", he was no longer fighting for truth, justice and the American way.

I haven't read comics regularly in a long while. And even when I did, my interests veered towards The Incredible Hulk, Superman and Batman but I do hope Marvel figures out a non-lame way to bring back Captain America. He's needed now more than ever.

Need to Fear

Well, Hollywood has gone and done it again. Summer of 2007 heralds the release of the Underdog movie. Apart from the fact that it emphasizes how there is no creative juice left in Hollywood, a movie about Underdog sounds good, no? Well, the loveable Shoeshine Boy turned superhero ain't what you remember.

Nope, he isn't animated anymore. Rather, they've gone "Babe" on him. Still, would have been interesting to see how they would get a real dog trained to shine a shoe or open a ring with a pill compartment (or even wear a ring). Of course, they'll work around this and make some sort of experiment gone awry be the cause of his superpowers. So he'll just be a regular dog. And Sweet Polly Purebred won't be an ace reporter, I'm guessing. She'll probably be some tarted up poodle. If they wanted to "improve" the original, they could have at least made Underdog a schnauzer!

Speed of lightning, roar of thunder,
Fighting all who rob or plunder
Underdog, Underdog!


See the Underdog movie trailer: http://home.disney.go.com/movies/