Doom and Gloom on the Northside

With the Cubs dropping the first two games of their 2007 National League divisional series to the Arizona Diamondbacks, it seems like a good time to revisit some legendary Cubs lore. Memories. Good times.

Let us harken back to April, 1983. The Cubs still sucked and Harry Carey had not yet turned Wrigley Field into the World's Largest Kegger Party. Following yet another home loss, then Cubs Manager, Lee Elia, was asked about the criticism the team received from the stands.

We're mired in a little bit of difficulty here. We got all these so-called f*ckin’ fans,who are supposed to be behind you, ripping every f*ckin’ thing you do. I hope we get hotter than sh*t, just to stuff it up the 3,000 people who show up every f*ckin’ day. Because if they're the real Chicago f*ckin’ fans, they can kiss my ass right downtown...and PRINT IT!!

They're really behind you here. MY f*ckin’ ass! What the f*ck am I supposed to do? Let my f*ckin’ players go out and get destroyed every f*ckin’ day? For the nickel and dime people who show up? The mother-f*ckers don't even work! That's why they're at the f*ckin’ game! They ought to go out and get a job and find out what it's like to earn a f*ckin’ living.85% of the f*ckin’ world is working,the rest come out here. It's a f*ckin’ playground for the c*cks*ckers. RIP THEM motherf*ckers!! RIP THEM c*cks*ckers LIKE THE f*ckin’ PLAYERS! We got guys who are busting their ass, and the f*ckin’ people boo! That’s the Cubs? MY f*ckin’ ass!

They talk about the great support that the players get around here. I haven't seen it this year. Don't ask me about any specific thing, cause I wont answer it. I'm not going to talk about any specific plays. The name of the game is hit the ball, catch the ball and get the f*ckin’ job done. Every time we lose a close game, it's magnified. Why did this guy bunt? Why did this guy pop up? Or why did this guy throw a wild pitch? That's baseball, fellas. That's gonna happen. That's how runs are scored. That's how the f*ckin’ balance goes cockeyed. That's the difference between victory and defeat. Right now, we have more losses than we have wins. Everybody associated with this f*ckin’ organization have been winners their whole f*ckin’ life! EVERYBODY! And the f*ckin’ credit is not given in that respect. The f*ckin’ changes in the Cubs organization have been multifold. OK,They don't show because we're 5-14. And unfortunately, that's the criteria of the dumb 15 motherf*ckin’ percent that come out to day baseball! The other 85% are earning a living! I'll tell you, it will take more than a 5-13 or 5-14 to destroy the makeup of this club. I guarantee you, there are some f*ckin’ pros out there that want to f*ckin’ play this game, but they're stuck in the f*ckin’ stigma of the f*ckin’ Dodgers, the Phillies, the Cardinals and thatother cheap sh*t and all these f*ckin’ editorials about Cey, the f*ckin’.....the Phillie-itisand all that sh*t. It gets sickening! It's unbelieveable. It's a disheartening situation were in right now.

Anybody that was associated with the Cubs organization 4-5 years ago and came back and sees a multitude of progress that's been made. You'll understand that they're baseball people,and 5-14 doesn't negate all that work. We got 143 games f*ckin’ left. What I'm trying to say is "Don't rip them f*ckin’ guys out there! Rip me!" If you want to rip someone, rip my f*ckin’ ass! But don't rip them f*ckin’ guys because they're giving everything they can give. Right now,they are trying to do more than God gave them and that's why we make the simple mistakes. That's exactly why! And once we hit that groove, it'll flow. I don't know how to make it any plainer for you. I'll guarantee you, I'm frustrated. It would be different if I walked in every morning at 8:30 and saw a bunch of guys who didn't give a sh*t. They give a sh*t. And it's a tough National League East. It's a tough National League period.

Listen to the rant HERE.

Above: Typical mope Cubs fans awaiting the inevitable demise of their beloved, acursed team. Note the anxious slack-jaw look of resignation as they wait to see how fate will again kick them in the nuts. Such punishment is always deserved by those who cannot wear their caps the right direction.

Above: Ah, that's more like it. In dire need of washing the bad taste of another Cubs choke-job out of their mouths, the Cubs fans take to what comes naturally -- consuming ridiculous amounts of piss-warm beer. After this picture was taken, the deck collapsed but due to an intoxication level far beyond that which would have rendered an elephant comatose, all pictured Cubs fans were able to stagger away from the scene.

Above: This adorable Cubs fan will be dead before the Cubs win another World Series. 100 years and counting!

Sliding Towards September

Can this team ever hold a lead? Off to a 3-0 lead through 5, the Brewers fall apart in Colorado to get killed 11-4. This after a week of blowing 5 and 6 run leads. Including Sunday's choke job against the Phillies where they gave away a 5 run advantage going into the top of the 9th at home. They haven't recovered from that yet and probably won't.

The Brewers are repeatedly blowing games with a bullpen that is 50/50 at best to get anyone out. Pitcher Matt Wise hasn't recovered from shattering a Cincinnati Red's face two weeks ago. Now he's afraid to pitch inside. When he does occasionally find the plate with a pitch, he throws a batting practice meatball that gets drilled. I thought our bullpen problems were solved when they traded away Grant Balfour (or "Grant Ball Four") and actually got more than a bag of used balls in return. But no, the problems were just beginning.

Yes, the Cubs aren't winning right now either but they're dealing with the injury to Soriano gutting their offense. The Brewers aren't pitching, aren't hitting and the managerial decisions are questionable. At least they're consistent top to bottom. I guess that's something. And we have Youvonni Gallardo pitching tomorrow so maybe we can salvage a game in the series against the Rockies.

8/8/07 Update: Nope, Gallardo wasn't the the stopper today. He got shelled for 11 runs in 2-2/3 innings. His ERA went from #5 in the National League at 2.30 (or thereabouts) to 4.90. Yeech. Oh, and the Brewers lost 19-4.

Cubs Motivation

A Double Standard?

OK, Sammy Sosa has hit his 600th home run. And even though I am quite positive that he juiced up during the 90s, I don't have the same level of distain for him as I do for Barry Bonds. Why is that? I'm pretty sure it's not racism.

Maybe it's because that throughout most of his career, Sammy was a cuddly, fan friendly "Base-a-ball hab bin beddy beddy good to me" kind of player; whereas Bonds has been a giant douche-bag since he came to the majors.
But I think it goes deeper than that. Sammy is not going to get 700 home runs and is not going to challenge Hank Aaron's record. If he were closing in on 755, I might rethink my position on that.

Also, he got number 600 against his former team, the hapless Chicago Cubs. I always like a bit of ironic twist. So good on you, Sammy. Now go away.

Does Anyone Want to Win This Division?

Well, the Brewers FINALLY won a game. Held on by the hair on Coco Cordero's chinny chin chin. Fortunately, no one else in the division seems able to win a series and gain any ground. The Cubs, the supposed class of the division, can't get out of their own way and Sweet Lou Piniella is heading to a nervous breakdown.

Of course, the Brewers can't count on everyone else losing the rest of the season. And they can't count on playing the Pirates and Nationals all year long. They're a young team but they need to find a way to pull themselves together. And finding a replacement for Dave Bush might not be a bad idea. He's pitching tomorrow and will doubtlessly get lit up. Sure, he's a number 4 or 5 starter but geez he's automatic. An automatic loss. Hopefully, the Cubs will get shellacked too.

Uh Oh, It's Kerry Sheets

Or is it Ben Prior? Or Ben Dover? Ugh. Ben Sheets is hurt again. Injured his groin. He's fragile enough to be a Cubs starter. I really don't know how a baseball player injures his groin. If you warm up properly, you shouldn't have any trouble. Yet, Sheets always finds away to get hurt.

Ironically, Sheets got hurt on the same day that the Cubs' Mark "The Porcelain Doll" Prior was shut down for the year. Unfortunately, Sheets' injury allowed the Cubs to salvage the final game of the series against the Brewers today. He had shut them down for three innings before coming out and his no-name replacement got lit up. But Milwaukee is still in first place. Hopefully, Sheets won't miss too much time. He's still the Brewers' ace at least he would be until the next injury.

When asked about the decision to shut Sheets down after three innings, Mark Maddux, the Brewers pitching coach commented that a groin isn't something you want to mess with. Really? I spent much of my single life doing just that.

For more on Sheets' injury, click here.

Brewers 5, Cubs 4 (12 Innings)

After trailing most of the game, the Brewers rallied for 2 runs to tie the score 4-4 in the 8th and then won on a Prince Fielder home run in the 12th inning. The Cubs threatened several times after the Brewers had tied the score but some timely fielding kept the game alive until Fielder could win it.

Because closer Francisco Cordero had been used extensively over the weekend, Derrick Turnbow, came on in the bottom of the 12th for the save. After giving up a bloop single to Derrick Lee to lead off, Turnbow popped up Aramis Ramirez, struck out Jacques Jones on a pitch in the dirt and got Mark DeLaRosa to strike out looking (on a questionable outside strike). It should be noted that the umpire had been giving the outside strike all night to both sides.

So, the first place Brewers take game one of the series and continue self-proclaimed Cy Young Candidate, Carlos Zambrano's, frustrating season. Although the "Big Z" pitched well, the bullpen's inability to hold the lead stole his chance for the win. My heart breaks.

Same Ol' Cubs

Lou Piniella has already had his fill of Cubs' tradition. Bucky Katt could have told Lou all about that before he took the manager's job.

Play Ball!

Yes, pitchers and catchers just reported to spring training last week and position players slowly are filtering in as well. But let me be the first to report: THE CHICAGO CUBS ARE ELIMINATED FROM PLAYOFF CONTENTION.

"What?" you ask, "Didn't the Cubs just bring in a new high profile manager who was wanted by nearly every club with a managerial opening?" Very true. This is supposed to be the "next year" that Cubs fans have been waiting for. But the Cubs have brought in the "It" manager before and while "Dusty" Piniella may breathe some long missing life into the dugout, the talent on the field has to get the job done. I'm still waiting for Piniella's miraculous turnaround to happen in Tampa.

"What about the Cubs free agent signings? Certainly they'll help." Alfonso Soriano is a top notch hitter. Slugging in a pitcher friendly RFK Stadium last year was most impressive especially given the early controversy of his position change. But don't you think he might be looking at the second base position at Wrigley with a jealous eye with the revolving door of so-called talent there? Ronny Cedeno is still just trying to avoid spiking himself after moving to second. Mark LaRosa? Ryan Theriot? Are they really the answer? Just wait. A controversy will be a-brewin'.

The Cubs overpaid for Ted Lilly which will incite Carlos Zambrano to demand even more money or risk yet another clubhouse distraction. As Zambrano (or as he refers to himself "The Big Z") said, "Whatever happens, I don't want to know about a contract during the season. I want to sign with the Cubs before the season starts. If they don't sign me, sorry, but I must go. That's what Carlos Zambrano thinks." Gotta love a guy who talks about himself in the third person. Oh, YEAH!

And, of course, the Cubs didn't just sign new problems. They re-signed Aramis Ramirez. He of the lackadaisical hustle and head-bonking pop-ups. If Piniella can get Ramirez to show some heart, the Cubs may actually have some hope. Nah.

Oops, gotta go. Kerry Wood just got hurt again and Larry Rothschild is helping him and Mark Prior rehab with the infamous towel drills. Ya know, cuz that's been so effective in the past.