Had a camp movie double-feature. Watched Attack of the Crab Monsters (1957) starring Russell Johnson, the Professor of Gilligan's Island. Followed that terror-fest with The Marine (2006) starring WWE wrestler, John Cena. The purpose of this endeavor was to see who had the greater dramatic range: the Crab Monster or John Cena. Smart money was on the Crab.
Second on the bill for the night was The Marine which is an obvious rip-off of Arnold's Commando. Lots of stuff blowing up. Precious little acting. Cena was given a hottie wife to establish his heterosexuality but you always got the feeling he'd rather be in the gym shower with the guys. Robert Patrick seemed to be trying to channel the spirit of Christopher Walken. He seemed to be having fun at least. After the inevitible chick fight between Cena's wife and the bad girl, Cena blew up a few more things, resusitated his wife from the dead and killed Robert Patrick. Best Line (by Patrick after one of his cronies told the long and painful story of a summer camp counselor's inappropriate advances): "Good luck with all that."
The Winner: Both on thespian skills and story content: Attack of the Crab Monsters by a claw.
Attack of the Crab Monsters opened with 3 minutes of watching a nuclear detonation in the South Pacific resulting, of course, in the mutation of a tasty crustacean into a giant claw machine with telepathy. Don't ask. I kept hoping that the Professor would create a secret weapon out of coconuts and take out the monster but alas it was not to be. Best Line (recited on numerous occasions): "Any one alive in there?" What would they do if someone yelled back, "No!"? Runner Up Quote (Spirit of Dead French Guy whose right hand was cut off by the Crab Monster in an earlier attack): "I'm just here dreaming of all the things I could do...with just my left hand."
Second on the bill for the night was The Marine which is an obvious rip-off of Arnold's Commando. Lots of stuff blowing up. Precious little acting. Cena was given a hottie wife to establish his heterosexuality but you always got the feeling he'd rather be in the gym shower with the guys. Robert Patrick seemed to be trying to channel the spirit of Christopher Walken. He seemed to be having fun at least. After the inevitible chick fight between Cena's wife and the bad girl, Cena blew up a few more things, resusitated his wife from the dead and killed Robert Patrick. Best Line (by Patrick after one of his cronies told the long and painful story of a summer camp counselor's inappropriate advances): "Good luck with all that."
The Winner: Both on thespian skills and story content: Attack of the Crab Monsters by a claw.
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