America's Favre-orite QB

Dan Marino's record falls as Brett Favre throws for touchdowns numbers 421 and 422 in a 23-16 victory over division rivals, Minnesota Vikings, in the hated Metrodome. In typical self-depreciating fashion, Favre said that despite the record, he still considers Marino to be the best pure passer of all-time. Perhaps, but no one ever had as much fun at quarterback as Favre. Period.

Fun While It Lasted

Well, the Brewers were eliminated today by the San Diego Padres 6-3. If at the beginning of the season you would have told me that the Brewers would finish in 2nd place and have a .500 record or better, I would have been happy. However, when the Brewers had an 8-1/2 game lead on the division after the All-Star game and were 14 games over .500 at more than one point during the season, expectations understandably were raised. That, coupled with the division going to the irritating Chicago Cubs makes it all the worse.

Now, I want to see the Brewers actually finish over .500 and make the Padres earn a place in the post-season. I'll be very disappointed if the Crew roll over and play dead the last two games.

Heh Heh Heh

The Old Man and the TD

So, Brett Favre is washed up and a shadow of his former self? Well he isn't what he was in 1996 but given a modicum of talent surrounding him he still appears well able to get the job done and statistically speaking is a top notch QB. It also helps having an offensive line that keeps him on his feet for the most part.

Now tied with Dan Marino for an NFL record 420 touchdown passes, he will easily surpass that mark most likely starting next week. Peyton Manning may be fast approaching but for now the mark will be Favre's. And it should be noted that this year he is doing it without even a hint of a running game.

Can he keep it going all year? Will defenses adjust? Maybe but it's still impressive to see him doing what he's doing at this stage of his career. Next up are the Minnesota Vikings and given their run defense, it will be up to the arm of Favre to find a way to win in the Humpty Dome.

Freedom of Advertising

Ahhh, summer is over and college students across the nation are free to make an ass out of themselves in the name of "free speech". Colorado State University's school paper's editorial board took the deeply philosophical position of "F*** BUSH". The Board claimed that the headline-sized "article" was meant to foster student discussion of the freedom of speech. More like the freedom to be a jerk-wad. It should be noted that another article on the same page appears to be critical of Hillary Clinton and her health care plan.

Fallout from the Bush expletive has been visited upon the paper. Not because of University sanctions (the University is prohibited by law from penalizing the paper or its staff) but in the most American way possible -- Capitalism. As a result of the paper's need to express this intellectual point of view, it has lost approximately $30,000.00 in advertising resulting in pay and budget cuts. I guess this will teach studets about freedom of speech: Maybe the government can't prohibit stupidity (unless it endangers public safety) but the market can and will punish such asinine proclamations and that's America at work.

For more on this item, click HERE.

Unfunny Joke/Art Bombs at Airport

You would think that an idiot from M.I.T. would be oxymoronic but it's not. An M.I.T. student allegedly meeting her boyfriend at Boston's Logan International Airport decided to wear a shirt adorned with a circuit board, flashing lights, wiring and a handful of Play-Doh. The unfortunately named Star Simpson now says the shirt was just a piece of art of which she was proud and wanted to display. Huh? It's lame artwork at best and there is a time and place to display that kind of thing and an airport is not it.

It's clearly an example of someone having bad taste in humor/art (not to mention hair), worse judgment and who wanted to stir up attention. Well, she's got it now. She's just not willing to suffer for her "art". It's time for people to realize this kind of asinine behavior will not be tolerated and she should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law possible. It's not like the illegal nature of making jokes about having a bomb hasn't been well-known even well before 9/11. Star Simpson needs to find out that these laws are in place for the protection of the citizenry and are to be taken seriously even if your parents are dopes who gave you a name making you destined to stupidly seek the spotlight no matter the consequences.

For more on this click HERE.

A Tribute to Sam Elliott's Moustache

I again watched my favorite Western movie of all-time last night, Tombstone. And it made me think about the greatest actor of our time...Sam Elliott's moustache. Some may think that Sam Elliott is a great character actor but in analysis, it's quite clear that it's his moustache that gets the job done.

Whether it's in a role as a cowboy, lawman, bouncer, soldier or whatever, Sam Elliott's moustache conveys all that is intense, deep and hairy in the human psyche. Here is to the day when the Acadamy Awards finally recognizes the contributions to the film industry made by Sam Elliott's moustache and present it with the long overdue career achievement award that it so richly deserves.

Bloodrayne 2: The Curse of Uwe Boll

Well, German film hack director, Uwe Boll, has unleashed another plague upon the film-viewing community. This time it is Bloodrayne 2: Deliverance. The continuing story of a half-vampire/half-human dhampir now in the American Wild West up against Billy the Kid who, you guessed it, is a vampire. For some reason, Billy the Kid has an eastern European accent and likes killing little children. Other than that, the storyline is more or less incomprehensible. And actually, the audience is better off for it.

The acting is atrocious. The cinematography is bewildering. The dialogue is nauseating. Germany, it should be noted, gives big tax deductions for movies that lose money and Bloodrayne 2 should make accountants happy this year. This time around Kristianna Loken, Michael Madsen, Ben Kingsley, Billy Zane, Michelle Rodriguez and even Meat Loaf, took a pass on the sequel. But Michael Pare' decided he needed the paycheck and takes a role here. Yes, I'm still trying to figure out what Michelle Rodriguez was doing in the first movie.

The videogame on which the Bloodrayne series is ostensibly based is great, campy vampire and Nazi-killing fun. Unfortunately, Boll doesn't care about the fans of the game and only wishes to impose his so-called vision upon the viewer. There is a ham-handed "plot" here but there is nothing remotely compelling about this film.

I'm sure there will be another sequel to lose more money and create more deductions like this direct-to-DVD dreck undoubtedly did. Sadly, like the train-wreck I am driving by, I know it's going to be unpleasant and ugly to look at, but I have to see for myself just how bad it's going to be. Uwe Boll never disappoints in this regard.

O.J. Redux

Yes, he's back in the news. Taking a break from his continued search of golf courses across America for the "true killers" of his wife and Ron Goldman, O.J. Simpson now finds himself charged with 10 felony charges and a misdemeanor that could potentially put him away for the rest of his life. The new charges stem from his "alleged" armed attack of a sports memorabilia dealer who was selling O.J.-related merchandise.

I would think that the memorabilia O.J. claimed to be retrieving would actually have belonged to the Goldman and Brown families based on the civil verdict entered against O.J. Most likely, O.J. gave the stuff to the memorabilia dealer to keep the Goldmans and Browns from getting at it and eventually the dealer decided that O.J. couldn't legally come after him for it. Of course, he forgot with whom he was dealing. The key word there is "legally". How ironic would it be that O.J. could literally get away with murder and then get put away for life based on this kind of matter. It would definitely be poetic.

Maybe he felt jealous of Michael Vick receiving all the anti-football player hatred and wanted people to remember that O.J. is the real deal when it comes to heinous acts and as horrible as Vick's treatment of the dogs was, O.J. can and has done him one better.

A Dr. Suess Parody that made the rounds on the internet a while back:

I did not kill my lovely wife.
I did not slash her with a knife.
I did not bonk her on the head.
I did not know that she was dead.

I stayed at home that fateful night.
I took a cab, then took a flight.
The bag I had was just for me.
My bag! My bag! Hey, leave it be.

When I came home I had a gash.
My hand was cut from broken glass.
I cut my hand on broken glass.
A broken glass did cause that gash.

I have nothing, nothing to hide.
My friend, he took me for a ride.

Did you take this person's life?
Did you do it with a knife?

I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not, kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not, anytime.

Did you hit her from above?
Did you drop this bloody glove?

I did not hit her from above.
I cannot even wear that glove.
I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not, kill my wife.

I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not, anytime.

And now I'm free, I can return
To my house for which I yearn.
And to my family whom I love.
Hey now I'm free -- Give back my glove!!

You can also read O.J.'s new book, "If I Robbed Him": Article

Monkey Tattoo

Airline Humor

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago .

The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"

The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant.

So the boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant.

The flight attendant, who was very busy at the time, smiled sweetly and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"

The boy said, "Yes she did."

"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes, because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."

I can actually see a Southwest flight attendant saying that. Apparently, there are a number of Southwest flight attendant jokes and quips.

Bang, Zoom, Right to the Moon!

What, Me Worry?

Damn crown fell out again. It fell out end of July while I was eating a piece of Starbucks® cinnamon swirl coffee cake (reduced fat, no less). I took a bite and it suctioned right out of the socket. It wasn't too painful to deal with (and a good thing too since I couldn't get in to see the dentist until the following week) but it was annoying.

This time, it fell out while I was eating a Dunkin Donuts® reduced fat blueberry muffin. Maybe I need to stop eating pastries. Good luck with that. At least this time I got an appointment to have it fixed tomorrow. I had to re-schedule my appearance for jury duty which I actually wanted to do. Oh well.

Poor Britney

Someone needs to tell her that a change of style is needed. She's a mother of two now. She doesn't have to be a pop-tart anymore. Apparently, she doesn't remember how anyways. It's sad to see how lost she looked up there. Even P.Diddy and 50 Cent seemed boggled by the train wreck that was her performance.

Thugs of a Feather

Terrell Owens has spoken out on the Mike Vick dogfighting scandal. While careful to make it clear that he doesn't (currently) participate in dogfighting, he believes dogfighting is a cultural part of the south (like in-breeding). But as can be seen in the picture above, dog fighting isn't necessariliy a racial or cultural thing, it's a hooligan/thuggish thing, even if the hooligans and thugs are wearing top hats or all the bling in the world.

The Dallas Morning News reports Owens as saying: "I don't condone Michael Vick's actions with the dog fighting," Owens said. "I've been exposed to it and it's something that's very unfortunate for Mike. I think he'll learn from this situation and move on from it. When I mentioned cultural thing, [it's] just like when people go out and they hunt deer," he said. "They hunt deer and they cut their heads off and they go to mount them on the wall. And they are animals as well. I don't see a big difference in the situation. "

Owens doesn't see a big difference because he is a moron. Deer are hunted and they instinctively know they are being hunted by humans and others. They have colorations, senses and quickness to assist them in eluding their predators. Dogs are companions who do not understand that these humans are hurting/killing them. At the end of the day dogfightling leaves dog dead and a human with pocketsful of money going "Yippee! Yippee!"

So T.O. has joined such mental luminaries as running back, Clinton Portis (alumn of the University of Miami, Fla. school of thuggery) and Whoopi "It's My First Day, I Have To Be Controversial" Goldberg. On the plus side, at least ESPN got rid of Michael Irvin so we aren't subjected to his nightly apologism for Mike Vick and other thugs who happen to be athletes.

White Lines

Listening to my Sirius Radio I came across a remix of the 1984 classic rap, White Lines by Grandmaster Flash & Melle Mel. While it has been used to promote the drug culture lifestyle, the lyrics have a pretty clear anti-drug message. Whether that's supposed to be ironic, I don't know. In any event, it was a nice flashback to the music of my 1980s youth.

Lyrics:

(Aaah, aaah, aaah, aaah)
Uhraah! Bass!
Ooh White, White
Ooh White, White
Ooh White, White
(Ooh White Lines) Vision dreams of passion
(Blowin’ through my mind) and all the while I think of you
(High price) a very strange reaction
(For us to unwind) the more I see, the more I do
(Something like a phenomenon) Baby!
(Tellin your body to come along, but white lines blow away)
(Blow! Rock it! Blow!)

Ticket to ride, white line highway
Tell all your friends, they can go my way
Pay your toll, sell your soul
Pound for pound costs more than gold
The longer you stay, the more you pay
My white lines go a long way
Either up your nose or through your vein
With nothin to gain except killin’ your brain
(Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock!)
(Blow!)

(Ahhh) Higher, baby
(Ahhh) Get higher, baby!
(Ahhh) Get higher, baby!
And don't ever come down! (Freebase!)

Rang dang diggedy dang di-dang
Rang dang diggedy dang di-dang R
ang dang diggedy dang di-dang
Diggedy dang di-dang diggedy dang di-dang

(Pipeline) pure as the driven snow
(Connected to my mind) and now I'm havin’ fun, baby!
(High price) it's getting kinda low
(Cause it makes you feel so nice) I need some one-on-one, baby!
(Don't let it blow your mind away) Baby!
(And go into your little hideaway ‘cause white lines blow away)
(Blow! )

A million magic crystals, painted pure and white
A multi-million dollars almost overnight
Twice as sweet as sugar, twice as bitter as salt
And if you get hooked, baby, it's nobody else's fault, so don't do it!
(Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock!)Raah!
(Blow!)
(Ahhh) Higher, baby
(Ahhh) Get higher, baby!
(Ahhh) Get higher, baby!
And don't ever come down! (Freebase!)

(Don’t you get too high) don’t you get too high baby!
(Turns you on) you really turn me on and on
(When you gonna come down) my temperature is risin’
(When the thrill is gone) no, I don’t want you to go

A street kid gets arrested, gonna do some time
He got out three years from now just to commit more crime
A businessman is caught with 24 kilos
He’s out on bail and out of jail
And that’s the way it goes
Raah!

(Kane! Sugar! Kane! Sugar! Kane!)

Athletes rejected, governors corrected
Gangsters, thugs and smugglers are thoroughly respected
The money gets divided
The women get excited
Now I’m broke and it’s no joke
It’s hard as hell to fight it, don’t buy it!

(Freeze! Haha ha ha! Rock! Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock!)
Raah!
(Blow!)

(Ahhh) Get higher, baby
(Ahhh) Get higher, girl!
(Ahhh) Get higher, baby! C’mon!
Raah!

(White Lines) Vision dreams of passion
(Blowin’ through my mind) and all the while I think of you
(High price) a very strange reaction
(For us to unwind) the more I see, the more I do
(Something like a phenomenon) Baby!
(Tellin your body to come along, but white lines blow away)

Little Jack Horner sitting on the corner
With no shoes and clothes
This aint funny, but he took his money
And sniffed it up his nose

(Hey man, you wanna cop some blow?)
(Sure, what you got, dust, flakes or rocks?)
(I got China White, Mother of Pearl, Ivory Flake, What you need?)
(Well yeah, well let me check it out man, just let me get a freeze)
(Go ahead man, stuff I got should kill ya!)
(Yeah man th-that’s that’s raw, wuh)

(Freeze! Haha ha ha! Rock! Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock!)