Courtroom Humor

New Home

Well, Kerry and I finally went and made a move to build a new home in Plainfield, Illinois. I've started a sister-blog to track our buying experience. You can find it at BlogDoghouse.

Movie Review

Had a camp movie double-feature. Watched Attack of the Crab Monsters (1957) starring Russell Johnson, the Professor of Gilligan's Island. Followed that terror-fest with The Marine (2006) starring WWE wrestler, John Cena. The purpose of this endeavor was to see who had the greater dramatic range: the Crab Monster or John Cena. Smart money was on the Crab.

Attack of the Crab Monsters opened with 3 minutes of watching a nuclear detonation in the South Pacific resulting, of course, in the mutation of a tasty crustacean into a giant claw machine with telepathy. Don't ask. I kept hoping that the Professor would create a secret weapon out of coconuts and take out the monster but alas it was not to be. Best Line (recited on numerous occasions): "Any one alive in there?" What would they do if someone yelled back, "No!"? Runner Up Quote (Spirit of Dead French Guy whose right hand was cut off by the Crab Monster in an earlier attack): "I'm just here dreaming of all the things I could do...with just my left hand."

Second on the bill for the night was The Marine which is an obvious rip-off of Arnold's Commando. Lots of stuff blowing up. Precious little acting. Cena was given a hottie wife to establish his heterosexuality but you always got the feeling he'd rather be in the gym shower with the guys. Robert Patrick seemed to be trying to channel the spirit of Christopher Walken. He seemed to be having fun at least. After the inevitible chick fight between Cena's wife and the bad girl, Cena blew up a few more things, resusitated his wife from the dead and killed Robert Patrick. Best Line (by Patrick after one of his cronies told the long and painful story of a summer camp counselor's inappropriate advances): "Good luck with all that."

The Winner: Both on thespian skills and story content: Attack of the Crab Monsters by a claw.

Maternal Instincts

Making a good case for government enforced sterilization. She's concerned about the jackhammer's effect on the baby, but the cigarette? No problem.

Captain America RIP

Word is out that Marvel Comics has killed off Captain America a.k.a Steve Rogers. The Captain was felled by an assassin's bullet as he turned himself in to the Superheroes Registration Board (or some such entity).

Is this just a publicity stunt to generate interest in a potential live-action movie? Is it another politically correct attack on the virtue of America's strength? Will Captain America come back like Superman did? Of course, when Superman "Returned", he was no longer fighting for truth, justice and the American way.

I haven't read comics regularly in a long while. And even when I did, my interests veered towards The Incredible Hulk, Superman and Batman but I do hope Marvel figures out a non-lame way to bring back Captain America. He's needed now more than ever.

Trivia

Just more than $200 million is spent on barbed wire each year in the U.S.

The world record for kissing is 11,030 people in one hour.

Although it's just 2% of our body weight, our brains use 20% of all the oxygen we breathe, 20% of the calories consume, and 15% of the body's blood supply.

Light takes six hours to travel from Pluto to Earth.

Merv Griffin wrote the theme to "Jeopardy." It's estimated that the royalties have earned him more than $80 million.

The U.S. average credit score is 678.

The US Department of Transportation reports the average life span of a vehicle is 12 years, or about 128,500 miles.

The Rat Pack was made up of Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr. and Joey Bishop, with Peter Lawford in a supporting role. In the beginning, they billed themselves as "The Summit." They didn't call themselves "The Rat Pack" because Sinatra hated that term.

Kitsch is the main export of Hell, Michigan.

Experts say 77% of Americans go to the grocery store with a list. It's estimated that half of everything bought there is bought on impulse.

The opposite of a "vacuum" is a "plenum."

Super Bowl weekend is the slowest weekend of the year for weddings.

The largest crossword puzzle ever published had 2,631 clues across and 2,922 clues down. It took up 16-square-feet of space.

The book of Esther in the Bible is the only book that doesn't mention the name of God.

Carnegie Mellon University offers bag piping as a major.

A man named John Bellavia has entered over 5,000 contests, and has never won anything.

Before airplanes existed, the phrase "jet lag" was once called "boat lag."

Your statistical chance of being murdered is one in 20,000.

February is "National Return Shopping Carts to the Supermarket Month."

Green Gone

In a somewhat surprising development, free agent RB Ahman Green has left the Green Bay Packers to sign a 4 year $23 million contract with the Houston Texans. The Packers apparently hoped the market wouldn't bear such a price for a 30 year old workhorse running back with a history of fumble issues. Unfortunately, the desperate Texans ponied up the money and Green understandably took it.

This leaves the packers with another hole to file on the offensive side of the ball. With Favre back for at least (only?) another year, the Packers have to provide him with offensive weapons. If this means a free agent signing or a trade there are not a lot of explosive top names available with the exception of Oakland WR Randy Moss and that will come with a price and considerable baggage. RB Corey Dillon has been released from New England but is not the same running threat he was when the Patriots were dominating the Super Bowl landscape. Travis Henry and Chris Brown formerly Tennessee RBs are available but neither truly inspire the imagination.

Of course, the the Packers might look to the draft with their 16th pick. While some speculation was that Oklaholma RB Adrian Peterson might fall, the Packers will probably be looking at California's Marshawn Lynch.

One way or the other the Packers have to address the ending of the Ahman Green era and figure out how to replace a six-time 1,000 yard rusher (who was just 46 years shy of breaking Jim Taylor's all time Packer record for career yards of 8,207). It was a good run. It didn't contain a Super Bowl champion, but Green was a fine player for many years whose contributions and efforts can't be overlooked.

That said, I couldn't find this last picture of Ahman Green and not post it as he leaves town: